This is a thematic continuation of the previous post.
If I learn I am not in a relationship, there are some things I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to forget that I hoped to find out what she’d say to asking if she’d like for her and I to get a place to live together when her lease is up this fall. I can’t imagine what that would be like – the asking – but I know the emotional feeling of a positive answer would feel like she said she’ll marry me. And about that prospect, I don’t want to forget that I hoped that we’d know within the first year if we were meant to be a family, and I think I’m the kind of guy who would be fine with either starting a family or getting married in either order, if we felt like it.
I don’t know why I am so worried, because we’ve talked about these possibilities a bit, a little bit; we’re a bit intense in feeling out how we feel about these things. But I have never asked as a literal first of three steps about my wish of us living together and, my fear is, if I find out we’re over, that I might forget the nice feeling of hope that I have had when thinking about this potential. I don’t want to forget it. I want it to become real.
*Title of blog is a Bowie song