Will Bueché

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Silence abuse – pain!

Posted in Personal by Will on Thursday, June 23rd, 2005 ~ 5pm

At this point I am feeling really abused in my relationship, having been excluded from all meaningful contact since last Saturday. We’d once gone about three days without contact and we both expressed how rare that was; myself I’d liked touching bases every couple days. So I am finding it really extremely painful to be left in the lurch like this for nearly five days now, with absolutely no idea of what is going on.

My friends tell me this is bad, that I am supposed to read between the lines and see that this means it is over, but I am holding out hope that something else may be going on – that perhaps she’s simply decided to move or something, and she has assumed that I won’t be willing to move with her. I wish she’d ask me. I wish she’d let me know what she is thinking, what is going on. I wish she’d trust me to let me in on what she is deciding, if indeed she is deciding anything at all – maybe she’s just really busy. She did say in an email that she was just busy and needed a couple days to unwind but the email had no other reassuring words – no “love”, no “x” or “o”s, a complete absence of anything I could read into. So I can view that email as neutral and just look at the fact that this is exceedingly odd to go this long without a call. Something must be terribly wrong and every day is another day of being hurt by this exclusion.

I tried to do my best at work today, but by 3 o’clock the anguish of not knowing what was going on became too much for me and I just had to call it a day and head home. My travel bag, the one I’d ordered, had arrived, a bleak reminder of my hopes. How I wish that my own worries and the input from my friends was wrong. But at this point I feel really abused, and really upset that she hasn’t let me be a part of whatever is going on. I sometimes need alone time too, so maybe I can’t read too much into this – I have to ask myself, would I be aware of how much I am hurting the other person if I just stopped calling for nearly a week? Maybe not. Particularly if I had a very hectic job like she does. But I don’t know. Even if this has a good outcome, I need to talk to her about how this made me feel, with a capital T for talk.

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