Just one more comment about her and then I’m done, I swear.
There was two or three days at the very end when I did not realize we were broken up, but she knew we were. Granted that says a lot about how naive I can be but something happened during that period of overlapping (but different) perspectives that I need to write about: I believe that during that time she placed a phone call to me which in retrospect makes a whole lot more sense.
She called one night because she was about to start watching a show with [a friend] that she and I had been watching together earlier; she was calling because it reminded her of me. That was sure nice and pleasant of her, I thought, really sweet. But only now do I realize how much more nice it was.
Now that I am aware that she was calling from the perspective of someone who had broken up with me and who assumed I knew we were broken up, I have to be humbled by the fact that she was being nice in that post-intimate-relationship way that few people are.
My own process of dealing with a breakup involves a couple days of hurt and the resulting anger and venting that comes from that. I’m mostly through it now, now I’m three days out or so, but at the time of the phone call I must have seemed to be as superb a break-up person as she is, I must have seemed to be really centered; except it was really only because I didn’t even know about it.
So, all I can say is, shit. I hope she knows how much I appreciate her niceness, albeit in it’s fuller sense only after-the-fact.
I’m not emailing her or anything because she needs her space, which is why I’ve blogged instead. Plus this is my journal.