Will Bueché

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Dharmapalooza Day 2

Posted in Personal by Will on Sunday, October 29th, 2006 ~ 12am

Too … tired … to … blog …day 2. But one quick insight I had during meditation: I need to stop believing my inner voice is accurate.

This concept was introduced to me during the meditation when my inner voice said something I totally disagreed with, causing me to be like “what the hell – my inner voice is lying to me?”. Then there was laughter and I was asked increduously by a voice that sounded like what I’d imagine native Tibetian Buddhists would sound like, “You believe everything your inner voice tells you? Ha ha ha ha” The point being, our inner voice is often based on the assumptions we make, and therefore one’s inner voice is not reliable, particularly when we are trying to imagine what other people are thinking.

On a more imaginative note, during the group meditation my creative mind came up with the visual of a pair of dragons (like in Chinatown parades), with tongues that flicked out like anteaters, running through the audience of meditators, and kissing/flicking the necks and ears of people who were being good in their practice of meditation (the people who have the hang of it). In my mind’s eye these two dragons were the spirits of two departed Zen masters associated with the Shambala Center, and in their dragon form they were not to be feared, they were simply running around kissing people affectionately when they were good at meditating. I wasn’t kissed but there was one student ahead of me a ways who was kissed a lot. I realize this is all my own mind’s metaphorical treatment of my own assesment of who was a steady practitioner of meditation and who was not. My mixing Chinese dragons into a Tibetian Shambala Center is a bit of a giveaway in that respect.

Ok, one more note. The show later in the day (much later in the day) by singer/songwriter/wearer-of-really-glitzy-weird-glasses Stuart Davis had a great opening set by a black or African American (his choice) rap artist with a really lighthearted attitude towards deep philosophical questions (imagine Finding Nemo as a quest for the Holy Grail, and you’ve got one of his songs down already). Regretfully his backing music was all programmed, but his live vocal performance was excellent, and he’d done up his face in magic white paint which I feel sure was not for Halloween but was simply because it really made him fascinating to watch. His set was all too brief. I’ll try to get his name posted soon. Didn’t have any cash left to pick up his CD.

Oh, also I had a dream last night that Stuart Davis reached into my pants for my “bananna” but I told him I was more of a “plantain.” It was’t erotic, he was simply trying to shock people in much the same way he sometimes zooms his head at your face in real life. His head on top of his neck, in case that wasn’t clear. Indeed that dream was a copy of that experience of zooming faces, except redefined into terms of vigor and prowess. Which for a guy manifests in a dream as a penis on unimaginative Freudian nights. Concept being, if I said I was more of a “plaintain” — a smaller version of a bananna — then it meant I was making excuses about Davis having more vigor than I — not sexually, not literally penis size (though I’ve heard he’s huge), but simply in energy. That’s obvious — performers might not have more energy than anyone else, but they put a lot of it onto the stage where it can be seen. It may be part of why we like actors and performers — they appear to be at their peaks, and we like the idea that people can be at their peaks…even if brings up a contrast with our own sense of performance. And in trying to expose me, the dream was also an indication that Davis — or rather, my own internal Davis — wants me to reveal my creativity, my own performance, rather than keep it hidden in my metaphorical pants. This dream was prompted in part by my housemate telling me that the director of the library at which he works gave a speech in which he praised the cataloging of their special collections room, and announced to a stunned audience that he was proud that they could now “expose their jewels to the world.”

I’m sorry so many of my dreams (and therefore blogs) have been sexual lately. Clearly I need to be laid to end this particular line of metaphor. I’ll work on that.

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