Will Bueché

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Earth needs a plan

Posted in Personal by Will on Wednesday, March 31st, 2010 ~ 1am

My webdesigner’s block (like “writer’s block”) has eased up, but my existential crisis is still going strong. I expressed my thoughts on that, in this Facebook status update:

“Seriously? This?”. We’ve got the survival part down, for the most part. And yet what do we do next? Most of us just subsist. What a squandering of resources – the resource of the human spirit. Earth needs a plan.

I could say more — Facebook status updates are limited to only a few words. My other preoccupations lately include realizing how at age 40+, I look back at 30 year olds like I’m looking back in time, feeling that biology and the need to reproduce are either fading or more important than ever — I can’t decide which, but I trend towards thinking that, as we search for meaning in life, many turn towards the belief that reproducing is the “purpose”, the purpose that I feel is lacking. But I cannot abide by how, if reproduction is the purpose, then our purpose is not even something we have thought of with our own minds (if it were, we could rightly be proud of it). Rather, if reproduction is our purpose, we simply have the same purpose all other life has, down to the smallest amoebas. And as such, it still feels like we need a “better idea”. A better idea for the world, for the Earth, for what we are DOING here.

I mentioned sometimes reproduction feels more important. I don’t mean to say I feel more aroused, despite the hints of Spring that are starting to emerge. Rather, I find myself wondering — again with a post-40 perspective — if sex is really only erotic when the prospect for reproduction is strong. When you’re young, there’s always the dread risk of pregnancy, and yet isn’t it that same risk which is the very catalyst which drives our urges, no matter how we may deny that fact? So when one is beyond age 40, and the possibility of pregnancy becomes vague (assuming declining fertility in both men and women), does sex for pleasure change? Devoid of the risk of pregnancy, and now filled with an awareness that the reason for sex was reproduction — does the absence of that reason mean an absence of passion? (Perhaps for the over-thinking mind!). And by that same line of thought, does passion now require an intent to impregnate? Am I feeling the last gasp of my fertile days, and with it, thoughts that the only sex that would be passionate would be risky sex, sex with a still-fertile 30-year old, who has a potential to have a child even as my age makes it more unlikely that I would be able to be a parent to a child? I suppose not… but it seems that way to me sometimes. Cavemen on sidewalks.

As for a purpose… the night is late and I’m not going to write ideas on that here, at this time. The only idea coming to mind at the moment involves rocket ships to other galaxies, and the obvious sexual metaphors for that are too obvious for me to state that idea without deconstructing it in some detail. Which I haven’t time for now. To sleep.

One Response to 'Earth needs a plan'

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  1. Rodney said,

    on March 31st, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Spring! And every young man’s fancy as the saying goes. I sympathize with your quandary, When I was around 34 my (male) biological clock was ticking so loudly that I thought I’d go deaf. That was 10 years ago and I never did father a kid. It is a huge regret, but circumstances were pretty much set in stone. I do have a couple of unofficial godsons (we aren’t religious to make it legit) and one boy is two and half…and the amount of energy he has staggers my 44 year old body. Of course, there is a heckuva a lot of fun having a happy go-lucky kid around. And even better when I can hand him off to his mother. I am not sure I could handle a kid of my own energy-wise, but I’d still be willing to try. What really shocks me is when I realize that I could have a kid in his 20s now! Time flies.

    I also sympathize with your existential proposition; “Earth needs a plan.” I agree – a positive “where we want to go plan” would be nice. I do fear (oddly enough) if we as a species don’t do it….those “running” this planet will and we might not like it.

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