(Account of my day without internet, not yet written in full but presented in bits)
In the last hours, I picked up bits of dust and some smaller spots of clutter that I’d normally only deal with maybe once a month. So it was as if something magical had slightly cleaned my room a bit, magical since it couldn’t be me. But it was.
Some concession to the eventual use of my computer was made: With a marker and paper, I made a list of things I needed to scan, or convert to iTunes, or whatnot. I admit I plugged my scanner into a usb slot, and placed an item on the scanner bed, in preparation for when I could use it. But nothing involving power.
The last fifteen minutes were the hardest. The computer beckoned. I could open the lid if I wanted to, but I did not even touch the latch. Maybe I touched it once, but I did not flick it. What kind of man was I? The kind who would turn on the computer early? The kind who would wait until the clock struck 12 midnight? If I was either of these kinds of men, what did this say about me in other situations? Was I the kind who would fall into bed with strangers? Or avoid anything from overthinking? (Yes, those are the extremes I thought of when I wondered what it said about me).
I ultimately waited until exactly 12 midnight. No surprise there, eh? The legions of women I haven’t slept with will agree, it says something about me…
And then later, after it was past midnight and I could turn on the computer, instead of surfing the web or looking at porn I looked…
…at pictures of my friend K’s baby. And there were a couple pictures of herself, too. Did she send those for me, those pics of her looking into the camera. Were they sent so I would look into her eyes and overcome some of the distance between us? Perhaps exactly that.
(I need to write a blog entry exclusively about her recent email and my being so pleased that she has accepted a gift I’d gotten for her baby — which I’ve sent off and should arrive by now. But first I need to write a reply to her first; my day-without-internet delayed me. Though I didn’t mind the delay since I altogether really liked this day without internet. It gave me time to reflect, time to be quiet, time to know what mattered (and it isn’t arguing on a message forum).
I need to write this entry up better tomorrow. The above is just rough notes, written a couple hours after midnight.