Here’s the most, um, observy part of this blog entry:
Observation: “You view relationships as if they aren’t cooperatively made, but rather as competitions where you’ll get ‘approved’ by the other person.” Yeah, true. Shit, you’re right. If I view the day more simply, it was nice, and that’s enough. Even to say potential is there is to put too much weight onto a nice day. I must try to view days more simply.
If you want to read more, click for the rest of this entry.
My coffee date: I don’t know how I came across. In advance I had all these deep, blogospheresque thoughts to share, about life, happiness, etc. but of course in real life such moments are best expressed while in the arms of another, ideally when laying down in rest. Are those the conversations that everyone is really good at? That we only get to hear sometimes? Maybe we just think those are so good because they happen when people are connecting, and that’s something we rarely get to do (well, too rarely anyway), and being in a place in time where one is sharing such thoughts is often as meaningful as the words themselves.
Fortunately for me even on our innocent date I got to hear a lot of great stuff about her, including an elaborate tattoo concept, in a nice stroll along the banks of the river/creek thingee. She was totally pleasant, and I am using that word at the risk that a reader may not appreciate just how much of a wonderful word “pleasant” is. We were not flirty, and for a time I wondered if I’d supposed to share with her a kiss, but if a coffee meeting is designed for people to just first meet, then we did exactly that. After all, I must remind myself, isn’t this most about finding out about the first bare traces of a person? Before knowing if you want to know someone in detail, one must begin in starting to know them. I swear this is so obvious, but I have to point it out to myself.
And if we’d been all flirty we’d may well have been uncomfortable, because totally flirty can mean superficial or trivial. (Here is where awareness starts to dawn on me) Perhaps she does not need someone to be flirty. She may be that secure. Or observant.
What I like best about her is the way she claims she does not know herself yet, yet she is developing her sense of self in everything she does, growing vibrantly like the branches of the tattoo she’s planning.
I only got scared once, during a drive. So the fear still comes up, the fear that keeps me from getting close to people when it strikes. But it went away after I had some iced beverage. I may experience it again when traveling to Denver but I may use public transportation to make it less dangerous.
I kinda wish she were a few years older, closer to my age, because I could see how our difference in ages could veer us into friendship — not a bad thing in itself! — instead of the relationship-relationship I hope for, but this concern is premature because we haven’t had much deep thought talk yet, and that is when a person’s true age comes out and is known.
Observation: “You view relationships as if they aren’t cooperatively made, but rather as competitions where you’ll get ‘approved’ by the other person.” Yeah, true. Shit, you’re right. If I view the day more simply, it was nice, and — that’s enough. I must try to view days more simply.