In the week’s Entertainment Weekly, filmmaker George Lucas answers a question about whether in retrospect it is icky that Luke and Leia kissed in Star Wars, given that they later discovered they were twin siblings. He explains that their actions were not icky since they were of course innocent of the knowledge they were related, and that their attraction made a lot of sense, given that they were twins. “It would be like being attracted to yourself,” Lucas surmised (or words to that effect). Granted he is no expert in human psychology, but, sounds sensible to me.
That quote has relevance for me because this week I met a person who has a few striking similarities to me, and I want to get to know her better. But before I get to know her better, some of our more superficial similarities stand out, and they’re kind of amusing in how they’re rather twin-like. I’d list them here but that would be rude for me to share qualities of another person without permission. Suffice to say there’s some uncanny similarities. Ok maybe I can say a couple of them. We’re both thin. Both verge on hypoglycemia so we carry food (or food bars) with us. We both have a sister (mine) or brother (hers) in a state north of ours, and we each have a related nephew (mine) or niece (hers). We are both non-drinkers, which is pretty damn rare in my experience. And this defies all genetics: we both have the same fake enamel tooth.
So when I saw the Lucas quote, I realized, I have to be aware here: Through chance or fate or just some pretty good blind luck (she sent me a Friendster message and we met up), the universe may be testing me with the presence of a person who has some similar traits as myself. Luke and Leia were similar, and they kissed, but their similarity wasn’t enough to make a relationship (lucky for them, considering they turned out to be related — but let me admit the Lucas storyline is an imperfect comparison and move on with the meaning for real life:)
The challenge then, the challenge to me is to make sure I will not simply be attracted to another person because I see similarities of myself in her; the challenge is that I need to learn about what makes her different and unique – her self.
This advice may be perfectly obvious (the recognition that one must find out about another person). But I liked the reminder that came to me in the pages of Entertainment Weekly, and I figured it should be dwelled upon for a moment (because wisdom and advice can arrive in unsuspected ways).
Anyway I hope to see her again soon, possibly tomorrow (Sunday) but not sure as she may be moving her stuff and that could preclude our plans (landlords overruling friendsters in the bossy scheme of things).
And the related questions of how she will perceive me come up, of course: Will my unique qualities also be acceptable? Man, this stuff is always …always the same questions, aren’t they? How will two people relate? Is my cynicism – which she surely hasn’t noticed yet – a downer? My panic at trying to think of another café to eat at – that can’t be good either. I find it easier to imagine a month into the future than a day…
Which reminds me of another Star Wars moment: Yoda complaining about Luke “All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was!”
I’ll try to keep my mind on where I am more.
Ok, this blog won’t be a chronicle of this, so don’t worry if you don’t see a follow up for quite awhile. I just needed to vent some nervous energy on this sitch. (Situation). (In case anyone thought “sitch” was a polite way of typing “bitch” — no, not that). Ok, getting ludicrous now, should stop typing and go to sleep before typing embarassing things. Mel Brooks Spaceballs movie starting to enter mind, displacing the Star Wars saga…
And in a related post-script, I should add that though this above typing may look like I am geared up for “relationship” meaning dating, I sort of feel that one never knows such things in advance, much. Hopes and inklings, sure, everyone has such feelings but that’s not to say they’re reliable. In fact any kind of relationship depends upon the same process of discovery — they’re all the same at the start, I think, and one does not know where they’re going to go. That’s kind of exciting. It engages our imaginations. Which is why I believe that it is ok for one to wonder if something will turn into dating – because it is part of the activation of our imaginations which is such a strong part of our human personalities. I think that makes sense… but then again my knowledge of human psychology may be only as informed as that of George Lucas, so who am I to say?