So I’ve got my room clean, and at this point I really should be considering writing up some talking points for the upcoming interview (see blog entry below “chairs chairs chairs”). But I think I do better preparing the day before… or maybe I’m just procrastinating. Either way, I’ve decided today to learn all about makeup. Or rather, today I’ve discovered I don’t know a thing about makeup.
All I want is to get rid of the blue lines under my eyes. Seems a simple enough wish, I mean, they’re not really part of my face, are they? They just show up when I stay up late, and stick around like an uninvited guest.
Since I doubt 3 or 4 nights rest are going to make them go away, I figure, ok, I’ll just get some of that cover up powder pad stuff, dab it on, and see if it makes me look well rested (this allowing me to continue to stay up late).
I remember when I was a teen in the eighties, that powder stuff worked on hiding pimples fairly well – it actually came in a tube and you just dabbed this stick of makeup on. But in the past hour I’ve learned that makeup is more complex than a stick.
First of all, news flash to men: there’s an actual product specifically for getting rid of the blue lines under your eyes. It’s a liquidy goop which is yellow. It claims to balance out the blue, but I can tell you that actually it just paints yellow lines on your skin kind of like you’re engaged in some ritual ceremony. The instructions then say to cover the yellow with another of their products. Ok, yeah, sure…and I bet the back of that next product also says to cover it with another of their products, and so on and so on until you’ve spent all your hard earned cash. No thanks.
So I wash that off, and try the powder pad. There were a few shades to choose from, and I chose pale because I am. But evidently I am not pale on my face, because it doesn’t match at all. However now I know what to do if I ever want to look like I just came back from a ski trip (with reverse-racoon eyes). Looking closer at my face, I realize I have a red nose and red cheekbones, a kind of light green vein going up my forehead, some white frosty hairs on my temples, and my skin at my beardline changes color completely as well (though it’s a bit hard to tell right now under my 10 o’clock shadow).
So I go to another drug store and pick up something a bit darker, figuring if I just extend my sun tanned cheeks up to my eyes, I’ll at least match. Well, the brightness is good but the color is way off…I seem to have bought something intended for asian people judging by the slightly honey hue.
I’ve now spent about $21 on three useless products. I keep thinking how easy this is in Photoshop: set Clone tool on about 50% and sweep it along the skin, and it’s done. But in real life, this application of makeup is not anywhere near as easy.
Unwilling to spend more, I next try mixing some of the makeup together, and find that you can powder your face up to two times before suddenly your skin looks like frost is growing on your tiny facial hair follicles. And I discover you can’t just add water and wipe this stuff off with a tissue. It’s like glued to my face unless I really rub it. Which makes me suspect there’s pronabably a fourth product for sale that lets you remove the makeup. (update: the fourth product is soap).
And when you rub your face to get the makeup off, you temporarily turn your skin red, so you can’t even compare and contrast how you looked with the makeup with how you look without it.
I’m going to try one more makeup shade, a red this time (which would seemingly make no sense, but clearly I know nothing so I may as well make a wild guess) and then I’m going to plan B: get more sleep.
On the strength of Kerry’s speech, I am upping my prediction of his win from 60% of the electorate to 65%. Great speech.
So there’s this producer from Peter Jennings productions possibly coming over to interview me next week about my work and experiences related to work, or some such stuff, and it’s the kind of show that typically shoots on location at people’s homes or wherever is relevant to their stories.
Which is a long way of saying I’ve got to clean my room. And it’s times like these, when ABC news is headed over to your house (or apartment) in a week, that makes me realize how much I need a walk-in closet. Note to self: when rich, make sure home has enough room for clothes. I’ve got a box of winter clothes that I have no where to put. I’ve got 3 winter blankets that have been sitting on the floor for a couple months (Here in New England, winter ended a couple months ago, fyi).
Besides the lack of clothes space, I realize I have no chairs in my room. Also, my lawn chair outside broke last week. Upshot being, there’s no where to freaking sit if we do an interview here. Unless I sit on a pillow on the floor, and somehow I can’t picture a news interview doing that. Plus we’d probably slouch if we were sitting on pillows. Not to mention, it’d look like I couldn’t afford chairs. I should mention that my whole room is laid out in a low slung way – my computer monitor is one foot off the floor, my bed is a futon (ok, just a futon mattress actually) directly on the floor, my keyboard is on a portable wooden slidy table. See, I live on the third floor, so the edges of my room slope down, neccesitating a low slung style. Which in turn led to me not having any chairs.
I imagine the solution will be to bring up a couple chairs from the dining room, but this is a rental. Me and my housemates have got 3 chairs, each are different heights. One is a plastic lawn chair. One came from someone’s trash. I’m crying here, this is so amusing.
And about that plastic lawn chair – it wouldn’t even WORK outside, if we do the interview outside in the yard, because I only have one. And it’s not like a nice reclining outdoors chair, it’s a white plastic prefab $10 chair from the hardware store.
Even if I wanted to buy lawn chairs, I couldn’t. No, really, I couldn’t. I went to Target last weekend and noticed their entire summer lawn chair section has been replaced by the Fall Back to School Supplies section. And summer, in case you’re not keeping track, just began here in New England a few weeks ago.
It’s at times like these, when an ABC news reporter is about to discover there’s no where to sit, that makes me wonder if I should just hop the fence into someone else’s yard and pretend I live there instead.
I am also under a lot of stress at work. A FedEx delivery to England went astray when the English bed & breakfast at which my boss was staying turned out not to feel like signing for packages. And then some fuck at work blames me. As if I knew the English didn’t like signing for FedEx packages for their guests. I told my coworker to go fuck themselves and hung up on them, which I think is about as much style as I could muster today.
One good thing is coming out of this. My room appears to be cleaner now than it has been in ages. Except some of that is an illusion caused by me dumping many of my clothes (the ones I couldn’t fit in my closet) into the laundy hamper. That’s going to come back to haunt me within a week…
Just a head’s up that the first 3 Adam & the Ants albums have been released this month in the UK after extensive remastering by bassist Marco, and they’re only available via Amazon.co.uk, and they’re absolutely worth importing. They’ve never sounded smoother, and the gatefold packaging is truly impressive. I’ve owned, let’s see, four versions of Kings of the Wild Frontiers over the years as I’ve searched for a version that wasn’t buried in hiss and mud. The sound quality on this latest one is a massive improvement. Massive. As good as the original vinyl. Link to Amazon.co.uk. And at only £5.97 each they’re equivalent to the regular US price of a typical CD, even in this bad economy. Later this year, 3 more will be released, and so on, until they’re all out, each remastered and with lots of demos and thingees.